


South Park: The Fractured But Whole (the novelization)

by Spaceknight93



Category: South Park
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Retelling of the game, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, canon-pairings, new kid can talk, pardon if characters are OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22766110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaceknight93/pseuds/Spaceknight93
Summary: The full story of my version of the New Kid and his journey through the events of the second game, inspired by my previous work Heart to Heart with the New Kid.Anthony is finally happy. The government is no longer looking for his family and he has finally gotten real friends after all this time. Perhaps now he and his parents can live the normal happy life they always wanted. Unfortunately, a new super-hero game that the kids of South Park have started up has his friends feuding with each other. And poor Anthony is caught in the middle of it. Will the kids settle their differences? Or will Anthony lose the friendships he has made over the last few weeks?
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, New Kid | Douchebag/Everyone (Friendship), Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After the positive feedback of my previous work, I thought I would give try expanding the story of My version of the New Kid. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think in the comments.

_What has become of this city? There used to be laws. Justice. Not anymore. Crime is out of control. Cats are missing. And townspeople are being victimized. We were supposed to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. Now superheroes are torn apart by political differences. We are two sides, at war. But war isn't going to save our city. Time travel is my only hope now. Myths tell of ancient times. When a New King united a kingdom, torn apart by a powerful stick. There's no time to waste. I have to go back. Change the presentif I can. And find this cat. And in doing so, perhaps i can change what has happened... to all of us. -- Eric Cartman, a.k.a. The Coon_

**SOUTH PARK: THE FRACTURED BUT WHOLE**

Our story begins like any other day. A chilly morning in the small town of South Park Colorado. People were starting to wake up from their pleasant dreams. Well almost everybody. One individual was not having pleasant dreams. In fact, it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare.

_THEY FOUND US!!! ...come quietly and you won't get hurt ...STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER!!! .... ***BANG*...** TROOOYYY!!!!!...Hold your fire!!! We need them alive!!! ...Tony...run ...NOOOO!!!!!_

Anthony woke up instantly, drenched in sweat. Catching his breath, he looked around. It was all just a nightmare. The same nightmare that had been plaguing him for over a month. He wasn't back in his old West Virginia home. He was in South Park, Colorado. Laying back on his pillow, Tony let out a sigh of relief. Then shed a couple tears. The nightmare--no. The _memory_ would not go away. It played in his head almost every night since it happened. He was sick of it. He didn't have to run from the government anymore and he had a huge amount of friends to fall back on for support. He should be alright now. WHY WASN'T HE!!?

He knew why. Even after all this time, he still missed him. His older brother Troy. Tony knew there was nothing he could do at this point except move on, but he couldn't help it. Troy was the closest thing to a friend he had before he came to South Park. That's why Tony made so many friends when he moved here. He wanted to fulfill the promise he made him. Speaking of his friends, he should see what they were up to today. If they weren't busy, maybe he could finally invite a few of them over to play some board games or his Gamesphere. Not only that, but with his birthday coming up at the end of the week, he needed to give them their invitations to his party at Casa Bonita! He may as well start getting up in the meantime.

Taking a deep breath, Tony got up and looked outside the window. What he saw caught him off guard. All his friends appeared to be in a massive battle with an enemy group. It was their fantasy game! Tony didn't understand! He thought that game ended when they threw the Stick of Truth into Stark's Pond. He could see two of his friends, Kyle and Butters holding off enemy kids with their "weapons"! "The Moorish are attacking!!" Paladin Butters yelled, "They're everywhere!!" "Don't let them get to our base!!!" Kyle commanded. Clyde came running through the crowd "It's too late! They've taken Kupa Keep!" he yelled before being knocked down by a Moorish soldier.

"Oh, crud!" Anthony yelled! He knew he had to get out there fast! Changing out of his pajamas, he got on his king costume and put on his crown. Grabbing his toy sword, dagger and shield, he ran out his bedroom, only to stop at the sight of his parents. They were arguing yet again, oblivious to the fact that he was standing right there. Tony wasn't surprised. They'd been like this since that infamous night. But it seems like its only gotten worse as time went on.

"We should be happy that he's made friends in this town so quickly!" his mom yelled. "We came here to hide!" his dad argued, "More friends mean more trouble!" 

"You're being paranoid! You Need to lay off the stuff! It's changing you!!"

"OH LAY OFF!! IT'S THE ONE THING THAT HELPS ME RELAX FROM YOUR STUPID SHIT!!"

Tony let out a small cough, his parents finally noticing that he was standing there. "Oh! Hey Whippersnapper!" his Dad said immediately changing his tone from angry to happy, "Didn't see you there!" Tony's mom did the same thing. "You're friends are downstairs, kiddo!" she said in an enthusiastic tone. Get out there and play!"

"Thanks, mom!" he said hurrying past them. Making his way down the stairs he put on his shoes, put his birthday invitations in his pocket, and sprinted to the front door! Opening the door up, he saw that Elf King Kyle was standing there to greet him! "Elf King Kyle!" he said in a dramatic tone. "What is happening to the Kingdom!?" "My Lord! The Moorish are attempting to overtake Kupa Keep!" Elf King Kyle responded. "You gotta come fight, my liege!" Paladin butters added, "You're our only hope!"

As Kyle and Butters began to run towards the "Castle" Anthony smiled. If one good thing came from moving to South Park, it was that he was always entertained when he played with his new friends. Smiling proudly, he held his plastic sword high above his head. "Fear not, my brothers-in-arms!!" Tony said as his King Persona, "Upon this day, those insolent vermin shall learn what happens when thou hast threatened the royal subjects of KING DOUCHEBAG!!" _"I really need to come up with a better name."_ he thought.

The three boys made their way towards the location of Kupa Keep, which was Cartman's back yard. Making their way to the house, they found two Moorish guards standing on the landing in front of the door with a large pile of red legos covering the steps in front of them. "Stand aside or die!" Elf King Kyle commanded. "We're going through that door!" "You can't!" One guard responded. "Oh yeah?" King Douchebag asked, "Why Not?" "Because everything in front of here is lava!" the other guard answered. "What!!?" King Douchebag yelled. "Oh, dude, no way!" Kyle said, "All that is lava!?" "Yup, everything from here to here is lava," the first guard said, pointing at the edges of the Lego pile, "You can't cross it." The Moorish guards then turned around and went inside the house.

"Shit!" Kyle yelled. At that moment, Feldspar the Thief, aka Craig Tucker walked up to them. "Come on lets get inside." he said. The others turned to him. "We can't. King Douchebag responded. "They're saying everything in front of the door is lava." "Oh, that's not fair!" said Feldspar. "What do we do , my king?" asked Paladin Butters.

Suddenly, another Moorish warrior appeared. "What do you do now?" he repeated, "You die! RELEASE THE DRAGON!" Out of a nearby garage, a massive dragon (a bunch of cardboard boxes stacked and taped together on a wagon to look like a dragon) emerged ready to fight. "Alright, men!" King Douchebag said readying his weapon ."Prepare for battle!!!"

After a long and difficult fight, the dragon was slain, its Moorish handlers either "dead" or retreated. The warriors caught their breath. "Excellent work, my subjects!" King Douchebag said. " Tonight, we spice our mead with Dragon Blood! Now let's end this battle once and for all!" "Agreed," Elf King Kyle responded, "Let's head around back, we can climb the wall!" The four of them went around Cartman's house to his backyard fence meeting up with Warrior Clyde along the way. Making their way over the fence, they came to the sight of the Royal Bard (Jimmy), being questioned by three Moorish. "Speak, Bard!" one commanded. "What happened to the Stick of Truth!?" 

"The Wizard had it thrown into the ocean!" Bard responded.

"LIES!" The Moorish accused, "You shall feel the wrath of the Moorish!!"

"Unhand him, you Heathens!" exclaimed Elf King Kyle! 

King Douchebag stepped forward. "Release the Bard or you'll have ME to deal with!!" he commanded!

"The King!? the first Moorish warrior exclaimed. "They say he can slay a dragon with one blow!" another added. "Just ask the last one I fought not too long ago!" King Douchebag said. "That's right!" Elf King Kyle continued. " And if you don't...wait a minute? Where's the wizard?" That was a good question. they hadn't seen Catman all morning. "I thought he was with you guys." Bard claimed. "No," Warrior Clyde responded, "we got a distress signal to come help him here."

King Douchebag was puzzled. "Yeah. Where is he?" he asked, "Come to think of it, where are the others?? I haven't seen Stan, Kenny, Tweek or Token. Shouldn't they be here???" Before anyone could respond, something leaped out in front of them, causing Anthony to jump. "WHOAH!" he yelled startled. Looking at what jumped in front of him, he immediately recognized what -or who- it was.

It was Eric Cartman. Dressed up in some weird...animal/superhero hybrid costume. He had raccoon ears on his head, a raccoon mask, a red cape, a black and white shirt with a "C" on it, a belt with some sort of capsules attached to it, and metal ring-claws on all his fingers. Anthony was utterly confused. "THE WIZARD IS GONE." Cartman said in a gruff voice. "Umm...Eric?" Anthony asked, utterly baffled "What in the world are you dressed like???" . "My name is the Coon," Cartman responded. "I'm from the future!" "Wha..?" Anthony asked.

The other boys glared at Cartman. "Dude, we said we're not playing that anymore." Craig said not amused. "Wha...?" Anthony asked again. "Yeah, we're all split up," Clyde said, "What's the point?" "THIS IS THE POINT!" Cartman said holding up a missing cat paper. Anthony gazed at the paper. It said "Missing. Scrambles. Reward: $100." On the paper was a picture of what appeared to be a really old and cross-eyed cat. "In my time there is a massive crime wave and missing cats!" Cartman started, "I knew my only hope was to assemble the team!"

At that point, the Moorish leader, one of Anthony's classmates named Kevin spoke up. "Hey you can't switch games like this!" he yelled in an annoyed tone, "Where's the Stick of Truth!?" "Shut up, Kevin," Cartman yelled, breaking character, " this isn't about some dumb stick!" Cartman turned back to Anthony and his team. "There is a cat in trouble and it's the key to finding the crime syndicate new to our town!" he continued. "In the future." "Future?" Anthony asked, still confused about what was going on.

"Crime syndicate?" Clyde asked. "That...that sounds too heavy for Coon and Friends." "Well what do you want, Clyde?" Cartman (or Coon as he called himself now) said, "you want the freedom Pals to find the missing cat, get the hundred-dollar reward, and make their superhero franchise more popular?"

At that point, the moods of Anthony's friends changed. "Fuck the Freedom Pals, dude!" Kyle said angrily. "That's right!" Coon replied.

Suddenly, the patio door of Eric's house opened and out stepped Cartman's mom, Liane Cartman. Anthony knew her somewhat. She was a genuinely nice lady, but she..."had a lot of dates...if you know what i mean... "Poopsiekins," she called out to Cartman, "There's a loud ringing coming from your basement playroom." A look of shock appeared on Cartman's face! "The Coon alert!" he said. He immediately began to head inside. "Come on, guys. Go get your stuff and report to the Coon Lair! In the future!"

The rest of the boys immediately began to discard their fantasy stuff and head back to their houses. "Coon and friends assamble!" Jimmy said hobbling past Anthony and the Moorish. As Kyle took off his twig crown, Anthony turned towards him. "Kyle," he said, "What is going on???" Before Kyle could answer, Coon immediately turned around. "Sorry guys, you can't play with us," he said in an uncaring tone, "We're playing Superheroes now, aaand you guys are dorks." With that last sentence, Coon went inside. Kyle turned toward Anthony, who has a confused look on his face. "Kyle..." Anthony said again. "Sorry, Tony," Kyle said, "But I gotta go." With that he walked off, leaving poor Anthony standing there, trying to wrap his head around what happened. Did his friends just abandon him? who were the Freedom Pals? And where were the rest of his friends this whole time?

At that moment, the Moorish warriors took off their costumes and began to separate. "Well, it was fun while it lasted." Kevin merely said. As he began to leave, Tony turned towards them. "Hey Kevin?" he asked. "What just happened." Kevin sighed. "Cartman's getting his way yet again," he said grumpily "that's what happened. Oh well. i have to get home anyway. I've got family visiting this afternoon." "Okay," Tony said. Before Kevin could leave,though, Tony remembered something. "Oh, hey!" he said, "Are you doing anything this weekend?" Kevin shrugged. "I don't think so. Why?"

Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He then handed it to Kevin who unfolded it and looked at what it said. It was one of the invitations to Tony's Birthday party at Casa Bonita that Sunday. "Oh, Cool!" Kevin said smiling. "I'll ask my mom if i can go!" "Awesome," Tony said. "Hope you can make it." "Me too, dude!" Kevin said, giving Tony a high-five. "See ya at school tomorrow!" "Se ya, man," Tony said in a happy tone as Kevin ran home.

In the meantime, Tony had to figure out just what exactly was going on with his friends. He didn't know why, but he had a very bad feeling about this....


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony tries to figure out what is happening with his friends. He has numerous questions about what is going on. Hopefully, he can get some answers from them once he gets a hold of them. An maybe he can convince them to let him play. However, he has no idea what he about to get himself into and he may be regretting it soon.

Anthony was still trying to figure out what just happened. Half his friends were nowhere to be found while the other half just abruptly abandoned the fantasy game in an instant. He had been left standing in Cartman's backyard by himself. He needed to figure out just what was happening. Pulling out his phone, he decided to try and call some of them. Kenny? No answer. Stan? Voicemail. Craig? _Nada._ He gave up on phone calls and decided to try the group chat. He switched over to the text app and opened up the group chat. "Can someone please explain to me what is going on?" he typed. "Why did Cartman abruptly end the game like that? Why did everyone else just leave me here all alone without an explanation? Where's Kenny, Stan and the others??? Did I miss something!!? Did something happen between you guys??? No response. "Guys?" That's when a worrisome thought crossed his mind and he typed out a third message. "It wasn't me, was it? Did I do something wrong?" He typed a bit concerned. There was nothing at first until he finally got a response. It was Kyle. All the message said was "No."

Anthony responded with "Than what is happening? I'm getting concerned..."  Jimmy then responded with, " Sorry we left you back there like that. If you can somehow get into Cartman's basement, we'll tell you everything. We would let you in, but Cartman won't let us unlock the door." Tony let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine," he typed, "but you guys have a lot of explaining to do." Anthony then made his was inside Cartman's house. Saying hi to Cartman's mother, he made his way to the basement door. It was indeed locked. There was a number pad with words under the numbers on it. He needed to find out what the code to the door was. Maybe there was something upstairs in Cartman's room that had the code. Making his way upstairs he headed into Cartman's room. Looking around, he stumbled upon Cartman's journal. "Of course!" Anthony said opening the journal. "He probably has the code hidden somewhere in here. I just need--WHAT THE...EWWW!!!!" Inside Cartman's journal were some rather...graphic...pictures of Craig, Kyle and Butters doing very NSFW stuff to each other. Why did Cartman draw these?? WHY??? Maybe it was his sick twisted way of making fun of them, or maybe it was his way of expressing some unresolved feelings and fantasies he had about them. If so, that would explain his behavior and threats at times. Anthony then got an idea. Maybe these...sketches...could be used against Cartman in the future. If Cartman gave them more hell, It would be very interesting if the others discovered these drawings. Taking his phone out, Anthony took pictures of the sketches and saved them into a private file. 

Moving on, Anthony flipped through the Journal until he came to a page with a section that said "BEWARE DO NOT OPEN COON ONLY!" Anthony opened the section and saw text that said "key-code: Fukyoumom" "That's it!" Anthony said. Closing the journal, he made his way back to the basement door and used the number pad to spell out the phrase. The code was 3-0-7. There was a beeping noise as the door swung open.

Making his way into the basement, Anthony stopped on the middle step. He heard his friends (and Cartman) talking. It was something about the missing cat, the $100 reward money (which Anthony knew was, in reality, nowhere near enough cash to launch a franchise plan, but he probably shouldn't tell them that), and the fact that this mysterious group known as the Freedom Pals had earned more followers than them on Instagram. Anthony looked around the basement. He may have hated Cartman, but he had to admit that his basement was pretty cool. It was all set up like a makeshift superhero base. Probably for whatever they were playing right now.

That's when Anthony saw his friends. What were they wearing? Craig had his normal clothes on, but he had a piece of paper with a large red "S" on it taped to his chest. Jimmy had on a yellow t-shirt with a red lightning bolt on it and he wore a set of headphones with a pair of cardboard lightning bolts taped to them. Clyde had on a red and yellow striped beanie, a blue hoodie with a mosquito on it, brown sweatpants, a fanny pack with ketchup packets in the strap, fake bug wings and a long pointed funnel covering his nose. And Kyle was wearing a teal colored costume with a grey hood that covered most of his head except for his face. the most striking feature, however, was the massive kite strapped to his back.

As Anthony watched, Cartman sent Clyde to search the parks for the cat. Clyde agreed and ran up the stairs making buzzing sounds as he did so; saying "Hey, buddy! Glad you made it!" as he passed Anthony. Craig was sent to look in the storm drains while Kyle would look in trees. The two headed up the stairs as well,Craig nodding at Anthony as he made his way up, and Kyle pausing to say "Sorry about the abrupt departure. I'll explain everything when i get back," to which Anthony nodded in full understanding. Jimmy was being sent to the Mayor's Office to tell her that the "Coon and Friends" whatever that was, were on the case. Pretending to run at super-speed, Jimmy hobbled his way up the stairs, saying "Excuse me," as he passed the new kid.

Anthony made his way down the steps and walked over to Cartman. Cartman saw him and got annoyed. "Oh great," he said, "now the security system isn't working!? Dude, what the fuck? No ordinary citizens in the Coon Lair!" Anthony glared at "Coon". "Eric," he said sternly "what the heck is going on? We were in the middle of our fantasy game and you popped out of nowhere dressed like...THAT... and you end the game before the final battle takes place. Not only that, but you and the others abandoned me back there all by myself! And I wanna know why!" "Coon" was unfazed by Anthony's rant. "We're playing superheroes now and you aren't a superhero, New Kid," Cartman responded, "So.. Fuck off, OK?" He then turned back toward the cardboard box that was painted to look like a computer terminal and pretended to type on it. Anthony was not having it.

"Cartman," he said angrily, "just because I'm friends with everyone in our group except you doesn't give you the right to keep me from hanging out with the others. You can't just shut me out like this!" "Ugh. All right look, you can watch us play superheroes," Cartman replied rolling his eyes," as long as you don't get in the way. Make yourself useful and go grab me the Stafernisy device. It's over there." Anthony, wanting to say something, held his tongue for the moment and went to grab what Cartman was pointing at. Retrieving the "Stafernisy Device" (one of those old View-Master toys), Anthony thought for a second. He knew what he had to do. Walking back over to Cartman with said device in his hand, he said three words.

"I want in."

Cartman mumbled something under his breath and took the device. Looking in it for a second and making some beeping noises, he put the device down and turned back towards Anthony. "You really wanna be a superhero, huh?" Cartman asked, "Play with the big boys?" "If i get to be with my friends," Anthony said, "then yes. I'll join your game." Cartman let out a sigh. "Well, maybe..." he started, "MAYBE you can be useful. Have a seat at the table, Douchebag." "Okay," Anthony responded, "And please stop calling me that." 

Cartman sat in the seat nearest to him and made Anthony go to the opposite end. Grabbing the chair, Anthony sat in it and scooted up to the table. Cartman got out some sort of tablet. "Alright, in order to play Superheroes," 'Coon' started, "You have to have a superhero persona. Then, you can fill out your character sheet on Coonstagram." "Coonstagram?" Anthony asked raising an eyebrow. "Yes, Coonstagram." Cartman responded annoyed. "Judging by your question, I'm assuming you don't have a page on there. Looks like i'll have to create one for you...fuckin' unbelievable... Let's see... Any idea on what you superhero persona is?" Anthony smiled. He already had an idea of what his character was going to be like. The inspiration for said character would be Solid Snake and Big Boss, the main protagonists from his favorite video game franchise, _Metal Gear Solid._

"His name is Agent Viper." Anthony started, "He's a government super soldier who has been expertly trained in infiltration, hand to hand combat, and firearm use." Cartman was not impressed. "That's against the rules, Douchebag. Your persona needs to be based off of comic book superheroes, not faggy stealth video games from Japan!" "You son of a..." Anthony muttered under his breath. Cartman handed him the tablet and showed him the page. It had three pictures of superheroes on it. One was a speedster: the Super-speed class, one was a brutalist: super strength,and the third was blaster: energy based attacks. "Since you're a newbie," Cartman said, "you can only choose three for now." Anthony picked the blaster class. "Blaster," Cartman said, "With ranged powers. Like Cyclops. Okay, Douchebag, but now... We need to find what terrible thing in your past drives you." Cartman leaned back in his chair and propped his feet on the table. "You see Douche all superheroes have a compelling backstory. it's from that backstory that their powers gain meaning. Let's take you back to when you were just a child..." Anthony sighed. He could already tell that this was going to be a long day...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After establishing Anthony's superhero backstory and giving him a name he DOES NOT agree with, Cartman makes Anthony a member of Coon and Friends. Anthony is sent on his first mission: get as many followers as possible for Coon and Friends. In the meantime, he catches up with Kyle, helping him out with a task, and finally getting some answers about what's going on and where the others are...only, what he hears may be a bit unpleasant...

So far, in the origin story, Coon has had Anthony defeat a small group of intruders who broke into his house. " And so you beat them," Coon continued, "All seemed to be ok, but then you finally reached your parent's door. And what you saw when you opened that door changed you life forever and led you to fighting crime. You were too late. Because when you opened that door, you saw...you saw your dad...fuck your mom."

Anthony raised an eyebrow at that last sentence. " _That's it_?" he thought unfazed, " _That's what this moron came up with? Oh brother... Well, it isn't as bad as what REALLY happened that night."_ Anthony had a flashback to the nightmares he had been having.

_**Running through the woods...the gunshot...so much blood....**_

Trying not to shed a tear, he took a deep breath and refocused on Cartman, who was talking about how "tragic" the made up origin story was. "Alright, now that you're a superhero," Coon continued, I have a mission for you, Buttlord. I need you to go into town, and get as many followers as you can on Coonstagram. It's the only way our franchise will survive." "Alright," Anthony responded getting up from his chair. He paused for a second and turned back to Cartman. "Wait," he said, "What did you say my superhero name was?" "It's Buttlord, New Kid!" Cartman responded "If your gonna play with us, that's your name." "Oh, come on!" Anthony yelled "Why not something like Powerhouse!!?" "Buttlord!" Coon insisted, "Take it or leave it!" Anthony, gritted his teeth. He fought down the urge to hit Cartman in the mouth and stomped his way upstairs. Putting on his new costume, which consisted of a grey helmet with green plastic antennae, a strange fitting set of goggles, black sweatpants, his sneakers and a black T-shirt with a flame design around the sleeves and hem, he made his way outside.

Heading out the front door, he found Kevin sweeping up the red Lego bricks that the Moorish team used as lava. "Oh hey, Kevin," 'Buttlord' greeted. "I thought you went home." Kevin looked up at Anthony. "Hey, Tony. Nice costume." he said. "Mom said I still had some time left before the family arrives, so i figured i'd get my legos up for next time. So, how'd it go with Cartman?" Anthony sighed. "Ugh. Not as well as I'd hoped." he answered. "I got in, but he's got me at his mercy, trying to promote his superhero team." "Yep, that sounds like Cartman," Kevin responded. "What's he making you do?" "He wants me to traverse town and try to make 'Coon and Friends' popular on an app he made called Coonstagram. I'm assuming that he wants me to use how popular my social media posts get to give himself notoriety." "Huh, I have that app," Kevin said, "Still, that fatty is exploiting your popularity to boost his own ego." "I know," Anthony groaned, "Well if I'm gonna do this, I may as well start with someone I know. Want a selfie?" "Sure no problem!" Kevin responded.

Pulling out his phone, Anthony opened the app and activated the camera. Holding it up, he positioned the frame so that he and Kevin were in it. Anthony smiled while Kevin grinned and held up the Star Trek "Live long and Prosper" hand sign. Taking the picture, Anthony labelled it **#Coonandfriends, #Ad, #whyamidoingthis?** and, because he was a good friend, **#SubcribetoKevinStoley.** Putting away his phone, Anthony thanked Kevin. "No problem," Kevin responded, "Oh, by the way, would it be okay if I brought Red to your party?" "You two got back together?" Anthony asked. "Yep," Kevin said proudly, "It was a few days ago. After the internet troll fiasco and Gender War ended shortly before you moved here, many of the couples who split because of Skankhunt42 started making amends. Red and I started talking and we both realized we still missed each other, so we decided to give it another shot. We took things slow for a while, but now we've started to date again." "That's awesome!" Anthony said, "Congrats man! Of course you can bring her!" "Thanks dude!" Kevin said, giving Anthony another high five. "I appreciate it." "Bye, Kevin!" Anthony said as he started to leave. "I'll see you and Red at the party!" "See ya, Tony!" Kevin said, "And good luck!" 

After getting more selfies with an old lady, a postman, and another kid from the Fantasy game named Matty, Coon face-timed Buttlord on the Coonstagram app. "Buttlord," he said, I'm still having trouble reaching the other Coon and Friends. See what's going on." "On it," Buttlord said enthusiastically.

The closest location was Kyle's house. Anthony headed down the sidewall towards his destination, but stopped when he arrived at a peculiar sight. Stan's father, Randy Marsh was trying to get some scratches out of his family's car. randy explained that someone kept keying the car and Randy had no idea who it was. Anthony said he would keep an eye out. After getting another selfie, he turned towards Mr. Marsh and asked, "Have you seen Stan, recently?" Randy shook his head. "He said he was playing a game with his friends. He had some weird repairman costume on." 

That lightened Anthony's mood a bit. From the sound of it, Stan was playing along with them. Maybe Cartman had him on a separate mission. Whatever the case, he'd find out soon enough. Entering Kyle's house, he found his friend in the living room. Kyle smiled before getting into character. "Who the hell are you?" he said in a gruff tone. Anthony got into character and said, "The name's... * sigh *... Buttlord.... I'm new here." "Really!?" Human Kite said, "You sent a newbie to my distress call? You're such a dick ,Coon!" Anthony held back a slight chuckle. He knew Kyle didn't like Cartman.

"Anyway," Human Kite continued, "Sorry, newbie, but my problem is too big for a rookie superhero. A few days ago... there was an anomaly in the universe. Another version of Me, from an alternate dimension, showed up here and is destroying everything! Right now, its upstairs in my room. I don't think anything can stop it." "I'm sure i can handle it," Powerhouse (Buttlord) said. "Don't count your chickens before you hatch," Human Kite said as they made their way up the stairs. "Alternate human kite is close. I can't fight him for obvious reason, alternate universe paradox shit. So, you'll have to defeat him. You have to beat him so badly that he'll want to stay in his universe on the East Coast." That last part made Anthony raise an eyebrow.

Entering Human Kite's room, they came across a peculiar sight. A small boy with thick spectacles and a nasally voice. It was Kyle's little cousin, whom was coincidentally also named Kyle, in an ill fitting and poorly put together recreation on Kyle's human Kite costume. Cousin Kyle was running circles on Kyle's bed making whooshing sounds like he was flying. He saw the two older boys and said, "Oh, hey Kyle. I'm baaaack." "Oh." Anthony responded, "that's what he meant."

......

After a tough "battle", Human Kite 2 tried to pull off a powerful move by jumping off the bed, only to hit the ground HARD and receive a bloody nose in the process. "Oh! Oh Jesus!" He yelled in pain. "I think I ruptured my hernia." Anthony got an idea. Helping little Kyle up, he said, "Look, Human Kite 2. We appreciate the enthusiasm to help..." "That's kinda pushing it," Human Kite said. "Play along, Kyle!" Anthony said, "As i was saying, we appreciate it, buy you aren't ready to join our fight against evil.....yet."

Cousin Kyle perked up. "Yet?" "Exactly" Buttlord said enthusiastically, "You have heart, kid, but you're too young and inexperienced to join the battle. But you'll get there eventually. You just need to practice and get fit both physically and mentally when you get back to your universe. In a few years, you should be ready for recruitment. Human Kite agrees with me... **right?"** Human Kite reluctantly nodded. "Good," Buttlord continued, "Until then, Human Kite 2, I want you to take it easy while you're here so you don't get hurt or into trouble. Think you can do that for me, kid?" Cousin Kyle wiped the blood from his nostrils and saluted proudly. "Yes, sir!" he exclaimed. "I won't let you down!" "Excellent," Buttlord said, "Now go get that nose patched up." Cousin Kyle nodded and ran to the bathroom to get some tissues. Human Kite was in shock. "I can't believe that actually worked!" he said breaking character. "Dude, I don't know how to thank you! You ever need help with anything in this game, just let me know and I'll have your back." "No problem," Anthony said, "Anyway, think you can finally tell me what the heck is happening?." "Alright," Kyle said, "lets talk outside."

The two of them sat on the front door steps, eating some turkey sandwiches, their headgear off to imply that the were out of character for the moment. "So," Kyle started, "What do you wanna know?" Anthony let loose. "First off," he said, "why are we dressed in costumes weirder than our fantasy game outfits? Where are Kenny, Stan, Tweek and Token? Who are the 'Freedom Pals' and how did this whole thing start to begin with!?"

Kyle sighed. He knew this was coming. "Well," he started, "We're playing a superhero game that was started by Cartman and Kenny several months ago. Cartman became the Coon and Kenny made a superhero persona called Mysterion. The rest of us started joining in as time went by. I became Human Kite, Stan became a hero called Toolshed, Craig and Tweek joined up as Super Craig and wonder Tweek, Token became Tupperware, Clyde came up with Mosquito, Jimmy is Fastpass, and even Timmy joined as Doctor Timothy. Things went well for a while, aside from Cartman summoning Cthulhu at one point. Unfortunately, something went down shortly before you moved into town."

Anthony was very concerned at this point. "What?" he asked "What happened??!" Kyle looked down at the ground. "The Franchise Plan tore us apart. Half of the team disagreed with it because they were getting the short end of the stick in the plan. The rest of us thought it was fine and we fought over it. A lot of harsh words and personal attacks were thrown at each other. At the end of the day, Toolshed, Mysterion, Wonder Tweek, Tupperware and Doctor Timothy left our group and formed their own team, The Freedom Pals. Even outside the game, things haven't been the same between us. Many of us who were great friends barely even acknowledge each other's existence. The fantasy game was the only time Stan and I even talked to each other in quite a while. Craig and Tweek even broke up over the disagreement." 

Anthony's mind was still trying to process all this. He thought things were great between his friends, but it was even worse than he thought. "But...but..." he stuttered, "Things seemed to be going so well during the Fantasy Game!" Kyle nodded, "They were," he said in a melancholy tone, "We had quit the Superhero game and started to patch things up. It was like old times for a while. But once the Superhero thing started, we went our separate ways again." Kyle let out a depressed sigh. Anthony couldn't help but hug the Jewish boy. "I'm sorry," he said sadly, I'm so sorry. Had I known..." Kyle patted his back. "It's okay," he said, "You had no way of knowing. That was kind of our fault for not telling you." Anthony let go of Kyle and gave him a sympathetic look. "Don't give up on them, Kyle." he said. "Maybe we can eventually find a way to get our friends back." Kyle smiled. "You never know, Tony." he said in a slightly happier tone. "You got us back on friendly terms in the Stick of Truth Quest leading us against that Nazi-zombie horde. If anyone could reunite Coon and Friends and the Freedom Pals, it could be you." "Thanks, dude," Anthony said, "I'll find a way to get our friends back together. I promise." Anthony stood up and prepared to head down the street for his next mission, when he remembered something. "Oh! I almost forgot!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out an invitation to his Casa Bonita birthday party and gave it to Kyle. Kyle beamed at the invitation. He had his birthday there and it was a blast. Or, it would have been if Cartman hadn't messed things up when it was revealed he had kidnapped Butters to go in his place. "Sweet!" he said excitedly, "I'm in!" Anthony smiled. "Awesome!" he said giving Kyle a high-five. "In the meantime," Kyle added, "good luck with whatever bullshit Cartman has planned for you." "Thanks," Anthony said laughing as he headed towards Craig's house. "I'll see you later!" "See ya," Kyle called out. Kyle felt a bit better. Maybe Anthony was just who he needed to get his Super Best Friend back. In the mean time, duty calls. Putting his hood back on, he made his way down the street in search of Scrambles.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buttlord gets Mosquito out of a bit of trouble and discovers his Kryptonite. Later, The Freedom Pals make their presence known. and the first Civil War is about to begin...

The next few hours were quite a chore for Anthony. First, he had stopped at Craig's house to see what "Super Craig" was up to. As it turns out, his Guinea Pig, Stripe, had escaped his cage and was hiding in the basement somewhere. After quite the fiasco, involving an air vent, and Buttlord's fart powers, Stripe was caught and Super Craig put him back in the cage. Anthony found out that Craig and Tweek had indeed broken up over the game. Breaking character for a bit, Anthony said he was sorry about their relationship ending, which Craig responded, "Don't be. He's the one who walked out. If he wants to end it, fine by me!! Coon and Friends didn't need him, and I SURE AS HELL DON'T NEED HIM!!" Craig was usually a calm and rather uncaring kid, but that last sentence had a bit of sadness in it. A tear could barely be seen running down Craig's cheek. Anthony could tell that Craig was hurting and patted him on the back. Craig sighed and thanked Anthony for his help, saying that he would be alright. "Okay, Craig," Anthony said. "If you need to talk to anyone, I've got your back." "Whatever," Craig said almost completely monotone. "If you need help in battle, just give me a call." "Sure," Anthony said, "I'll see you later."

Later, a group of sixth graders tried to pick a fight with Buttlord, but he called Human Kite and Super Craig to his aid. The two of them showed up pretty quickly and helped him fight them off. Something that Anthony noticed was that their powers seemed to manifest as real whenever they were fighting enemies and whenever the fights ended, the powers would fade away and the kids would be reverted back to their normal selves, not including Anthony's super-powered farts and Kenny's ability to return from the dead, which nobody but Anthony and Cartman seemed to remember. This would seem very strange to them, were it not for the fact that the exact same thing occurred in the Fantasy game. During that game, Anthony had asked how this was possible, but the others had no idea themselves. With all the other crazy stuff that happens in South Park, they decided to not question it and just go with it. That explained how Anthony was shooting energy blasts from his hands at the oncoming sixth graders, while Kyle fired lasers from his eyes and Craig was beating them back with extremely powerful punches. Once the battle ended and the sixth graders retreated for the time being, Anthony got a call from the Coon saying that he didn't add a kryptonite. He needed to go see the hero known as Mosquito, a.k.a. Clyde Donovan.

Anthony's friendship with Clyde had been briefly strained due to the whole betraying his friends during the Fantasy Game and raising an army of Nazi zombies a few weeks ago. However, they managed to patch things up a bit, and Anthony would regularly hang out with him almost as much as he did with the others. Anthony thought that he was a pretty funny dude and Clyde enjoyed his company. However a very serious thing they bonded over occurred one night when Anthony had a sleepover with Clyde and Token. Anthony had had his recurring nightmare, but was awoken by Clyde and Token. Clyde and Token had asked him what was wrong, saying that he was mumbling worriedly in his sleep. It was then that Anthony told them about what had happened before he moved to South Park. The incident back in West Virginia that ended with his brother dead and his family on the run again. The incident that had been giving him nightmares for the past month. Clyde was sympathetic and told him he knew what it was like to lose a family member. He told him about his mom's death a year before, and gave him some comforting words that he was told to make himself feel better. "It may seem like they're gone, but they're still watching over us, wherever they are." Those words made Anthony feel a little better and he slept well for a few days, until the nightmare returned last night. Clyde may seem a bit simple minded at times, but Tony admitted that he had his moments. That night was one of them.

For now, "Buttlord" had tracked "Mosquito" down to a small restaurant called "Raisins". He hadn't been there before, so he didn't know what to expect. Stepping through the door, Buttlord was a bit surprised at what he saw. The restaurant was run by girls the same age as him. The waitresses were all dressed in skimpy orange and white uniforms, and appeared to be flirting with their customers, mostly boys just as young as them. Part of Anthony wondered how this was legal. He knew for a fact that everyone in here was WAY too young for a place like this. Then again, this was South Park. Better not question it and just go with it. A waitress came over to Anthony with a flirtatious look on his face. "Well hello there, cutie," she said in a seductive tone, "That's a very dashing uniform you're wearing. My name is Mercedes. i'll be your waitress for tonight. Just ask me for...anything... you want, and I'll gladly serve you." Anthony's face went beat red and he started sweating. He was so tempted to accept her offer, but he had a job to do. "Er... I'm sorry, ma'am" he said collecting himself, "but I'm not here for a meal or...other services. I'm currently looking for someone. Maybe I'll come back when I'm off duty." Mercedes smiled at his politeness. "Of course, honey. If you change your mind, you know where to find me," she said with a wink, making Buttlord blush again.

Anthony made his way through the restaurant, looking for Clyde. He found him still in his superhero costume flirting with two waitresses and eating a plate of hot wings. Clyde noticed Anthony and smiled widely. "Hey, T-man!!" he greeted Anthony, "Pull up a chair and join me! You'll LOVE it here!!" Anthony grabbed an empty chair and brought it to Clyde's table. He placed the chair so that he would be across from Clyde. But as he sat in it, Clyde asked, "So what superhero are you?" As soon as he asked that question, Clyde's memory seemed to jog. "Wait a minute...superhero.... OH SHIT!! The mission! I forgot!" As soon as Anthony had sat down, Clyde jumped from his seat and faced the two waitresses."Begone, temptresses!" he said to the waitresses. "Mosquito knows what you're up to!" "What are you doing?" Buttlord asked. "Raisins girls are my kryptonite!" Mosquito answered, "I need to get out of here!" 

One of the waitresses rolled her eyes and handed Mosquito a large bill. "You won't charm me, wenches!" he said brushing the bill aside, "I will not pay the bill!" Anthony grabbed the bill and took a look at it. Obviously, this wasn't Clyde's first time here. There were numerous orders for wings from the past few days that totaled up to fifty dollars. Before a fight could break out between the Raisins girls and Mosquito, Anthony looked through his pocket and discovered that he had more than enough allowance money saved up to cover the bill. "Here," he said handing the waitresses two $20's and a $10. "This should cover what he owes." The Raisins girls smiled at Anthony and took the money, walking off to attend other customers.

"Wow, thanks Tony!" Mosquito said as they made their way out the restaurant, "How can I ever repay you?" "I'll think of something later," Buttlord responded, "In the meantime, Coon sent me here to discuss my Kryptonite." "Oh! Right!" Mosquito exclaimed, "You need a Kryptonite! Can't be a superhero without one, you'd be ridiculously overpowered. You need something to be nearly powerless against or some sort of physical or mental weakness. Any ideas?" Buttlord thought for a moment, but then came up with something. I got it," he said. "PTSD." "What?" Clyde asked. "Post -Traumatic-Stress-Disorder," Buttlord responded, "Its a psychological disorder caused by a very traumatic event in someone's life. Symptoms include flashbacks, mood swings and, in my case, nightmares..." As soon as Buttlord said nightmares, Mosquito fully understood. "Ohhh...." he said, "They've come back?" Anthony lowered his head and nodded sadly, causing Clyde to hug him and pat his back. "It's okay, dude," he said in an understanding tone, "We're here for you. For your case, we can use that as your Kryptonite." 

...

Later, Anthony was invited to Mr Mackey's office to discuss... sex. Anthony was well aware of the...talk. So when Mr. Mackey said that, he had an idea of where this conversation was going and he could tell this was going to be very awkward. As it turned out, they didn't talk about the kind of "sex" he thought it was going to be. Mr. Mackey explained genders and asked Anthony what he identified as, which Anthony responded: male. Afterwards, Mr. Mackey asked him to clarify his gender, asking if he was trans-gender (born female, but identifies as male) or cis-gendered (born male and identifies as male). Anthony clarified that we was born a boy and still identifies himself as a boy. Mr Mackey thanked Anthony for his info before saying, "Just be careful, some people may not accept you for what you are." This made Anthony raise an eyebrow in confusion as he left. _What did he mean by that?_ Almost as if on cue, a group of rednecks showed up to beat him up for being cis-gendered. Apparently, these guys were too inbred to know what cis-gendered meant. No matter. Calling Human Kite, Super Craig and Mosquito, the four of them fought the hillbillies in another fierce battle and sent them packing, one redneck's jeans burnt off by a combination of Human Kite's lasers and Buttlord's energy blasts, and another one covered in bug bites, courtesy of Mosquito.

After encounters with Father Maxi in the church and Morgan freeman in a taco shop (where Morgan Freeman cryptically mentioned that Buttlord's farts could manipulate time), Buttlord made it back to the coon Lair. On his way, however, he encountered another pile of red legos in front of a garage, just like the "lava" from the Fantasy Game. Suddenly, a face time request appeared on his phone. Activating it he saw someone he recognized all too well. It was Butters. The first kid he met when he moved to South Park, and arguably his second closest friend. He had on some sort of tin foil face-plate and was laughing like a supervillain, saying he put lava all over the town, to cause some Chaos for the heroes. Anthony assumed that Butters must be playing the supervillain of this game. He would ask him about it next time he saw him.

After taking some more selfies with various adults and fellow classmates, Buttlord entered the Coon Lair. Coon told him that he was promoting Buttlord from recruit to sidekick and make him a dual-class. Going over the backstory again, which almost didn't change at all, Anthony picked the psychic class, to add some healing and defense powers to his arsenal. That's when he got a call on the Coonstagram app. Something was going on with Super Craig down the road. Buttlord, Human Kite, Mosquito and Coon headed to where a commotion was coming from. Anthony froze when he saw what was in front of him. It was Tweek, Craig's now ex- boyfriend and a member of the Freedom Pals. He had a similar costume to Craig's except he wore a headband with his superhero name on it and had a W and T on his shirt. He and Craig appeared to be in a very heated screaming match. Anthony had a bad feeling in his stomach seeing them yelling like that. But what really caught Anthony's attention were the people behind Tweek. There were three more heroes standing there. These must be the Freedom Pals. Anthony recognized most of them. Token was wearing some sort of multicolored armor and had some sort of plastic container over his head. Timmy, sitting in his trademark wheelchair, was in a snazzy suit and had a blanket covering his lower half. The only person he couldn't recognize was the kid in a gray and ark purple costume with an "M" on his chest and a green question mark attached to the top of his hood. This could only be one person. Kenny. His best friend in the entire town. Part of Anthony really wanted to say hi to his friends, but, judging from the looks of anger on their faces, he wouldn't get one back. The whole situation made poor Anthony feel really uncomfortable as a sudden realization hit him about the situation. Whatever was about to happen was not going to end well and there was nothing he could do to stop it at this point...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Civil War, "Buttlord is given his first official mission with a familiar face...

The Civil War was brutal. While Coon went after Dr. Timothy, the others fought Wonder Tweek, Tupperware and Mysterion. Anthony did not enjoy it. Sure, he didn't hold back on the combat, but hitting his friends left a very uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. On the Coon and Friends side, Mosquito, Fastpass and Human Kite were already defeated, while the Freedom Pals were down to Mysterion. Mysterion managed to kick Super Craig in the face, making him stagger. Buttlord took that opportunity to unleash his ultimate move. Consuming some of his energy blast, it traveled through his system and combined with his fart abilities, causing a fiery blast that sent Mysterion into a nearby wall, finally taking him out of the fight. The Coon and Friends were victorious. Picking themselves up, Human Kite and Mosquito ran over to Super Craig and Buttlord. "Good job, New Kid," Human Kite congratulated, "You're really getting the hang of this." "Thanks..." Buttlord said unsure of himself. "Hey, what about the Coon?" Super Craig asked. "Oh, shit, come on!" Human Kite exclaimed. As The Coon and Friends began to run over to where Coon chased Dr. Timothy, Buttlord paused. There was something a huge part of him needed to say to the Freedom Pals. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to face them. "Kenny, Tweek, Token, I'm..."

The Freedom Pals were already gone.

"...sorry." Buttlord said lowering his head sadly.

Buttlord caught up with the rest of Coon and Friends. Apparently, Dr. Timothy made mincemeat of Coon, which secretly made Buttlord kinda happy. He may be on the same team as him, but Anthony hated Cartman. For now, though, he had to pretend to be sympathetic. Coon said that Dr. Timothy "raped his mind." But Coon manged to discretely steal Dr. Timothy's phone. Coon and friends headed back to base to analyze the data on the phone. While the phone was analyzed, Anthony sat at the table, thinking back on what happened today. He was not happy. He had discovered that his first and only friends were fighting with each other because of a stupid superhero game, the only way he could even interact with them was for him to join the game, and to make matters worse, he had to beat up some of them and didn't even get the chance to apologize. Was it worth it? If he wanted to get his friends back on speaking terms, he could only hope that tomorrow goes better. For now, though, Anthony walked over to the others to see what they found. As it turned out, there were a lot of notes on the phone. Many of them mentioning a woman who may have information on all the criminal activity that was occurring in South Park recently. The most cryptic message saying "find the girl with the dick tattoo". Coon assigned Buttlord to the mission, telling him that he would be working with a hero he hadn't met before. Reluctantly, Buttlord accepted. He would meet with the superhero later tonight.

After changing out of his costume and making his way home, Anthony opened the door to a familiar sound. His parents were at it again. "What are you doing even talking to the school counselor?!" his dad yelled. "Why'd you answer the phone!?" "Have you lost your fucking mind?!" his mom shot back, "Our child felt the need to go to the school counselor. Doesn't that bother you AT ALL?!!" "So you told him the truth!!?" his dad asked. "No!" his mom answered, "We didn't talk about THAT at all!"

"YOU DUMB BITCH! YOU'll RUIN EVERYTHING!!!"

"I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS FROM A STONED OUT POTHEAD! I NEED A DRINK!"

"SURE, DROWN YOUR PROBLEMS IN CHARDONNAY, YOU STUPID SKANK! IT REALLY HELPED AFTER WE LOST TROY !"

"DON'T YOU DARE BRING TROY INTO THIS!!"

The two of them immediately jumped at the sound of the front door closing behind Anthony. Turning their attention to the noise, they immediately pretended to be happy. "Oh, hey whippersnapper!" his dad said in a happy tone. "Have a fun day out playing?: his mom asked. "Er...yeah." Anthony said, "Are you guys okay?" "Of course, honey." his mother said in a smile on her face. Anthony knew they were lying, but he decided not to pry at it; his day was stressful enough and he wanted to get as much rest as possible before the mission started. "Okay, " he said, "What's for dinner, dad? "It's your favorite!" his dad answered, "BBQ ribs with corn on the cob! Just like your grandpappy used to make!" Well, at least something good happened today. "Well," his dad continued, "I'm exhausted. Gonna get ready for bed." " Dinner's on the table if you want it, honey." his mom said. "But then straight to bed, OK?"" Yes, mom." Anthony said as he headed into the dining room.

He could here his parents throw one last set of insults at each other as they headed up the stairs. Sitting at the table, Anthony rested his head on one hand as he absentmindedly stared at his dinner plate with a depressed look on his face. The food looked great, but his appetite was almost nonexistent. What was he gonna do? Not only were his parents arguing almost every single day, but now his friends hated each other as well. He thought of the Coon and Friends, he was thankful that they were still on great terms with him (except Cartman, he could go to hell). But then he thought of his friends in the Freedom Pals. He hoped they weren't mad at him for hurting them in the Civil War. Especially his best friend, Kenny. He felt really bad for blasting him like that. He just hoped he could apologize to him the next time he saw him.

Anthony needed to think of something if he wanted to finally have a normal life. A life where he wouldn't constantly be on the run from government agents. A life where his family was finally happy. A life where he finally had friends his own age. He thought he had already achieved it, but it seemed like it was fading away just as fast as it came.

His gaze turned towards a nearby shelf. He stared at a picture that sat upon it. It was a photo of him laughing as an eighth grader gave him a friendly noogie. The eighth grader had short messy blonde hair and wore a red jacket, a white t-shirt .and blue jeans with white sneakers. It was his older brother, Troy. Anthony remembered that day. It was the end of their fishing trip with their dad. They had caught a massive trout about five minutes before their dad took that photo of them. Anthony sighed at the picture. "I wish you were here, bro," He said out loud. " I could really use your advice..."

After managing to force down his food, Anthony went to bed. He wasn't asleep for long, though. The sound of his door opening woke him up. It was his mom. She was obviously drunk. "Sweetie.." she said a bit slurred, "I just want you to know that... whatever happens... mommy always loved you. Goodnight sweetheart." "Goodnight, Mom," Anthony responded. "I love you too."

...

As night time descended upon South Park, Anthony got up as soon as he was sure that both his parents were fast asleep. Putting on his costume, he made his way outside. Checking his phone, he saw that he got a message from Cartman. It said that the Superhero he would be working with was named Captain Diabetes. " _Huh_ ," Anthony thought, " _That's a strange name. Wonder who he is?"_ As he stepped outside his front door, someone jumped out from the side. "Ah ha!" The person yelled with a slight lisp. "Fear not! For it is I... Captain Diabetes!" The person in question was a young boy his age with short brown hair and his tongue sticking out, wearing a set of football shoulder pads with a "D" in the center over a yellow t-shirt that was too small for him, along with a strap that had diabetic medicine and insulin pumps and shots attached to it. "Scotty?" Anthony asked smiling. It was Scott Malkinson, his lab partner from science class. "I didn't know you were playing! Good to see you!" "Thanks, dude!" Scotty said breaking character for a second before reverting back to his hero persona. "Yes! A mild mannered gentleman with the power of diabetes at his control! My diabetes was turned into superhuman strength in a freak accident!" Buttlord held back a slight chuckle. Scott was know for being born with type-1 diabetes. It was kinda funny seeing Scott turn the thing meaner kids made fun of him over into a positive.

Captain Diabetes explained that Buttlord was going to be his sidekick for the night, which Buttlord didn't mind, and they were investigating the lead on the girl with the Dick Tattoo. Heading down the street, they paused at a very peculiar sight. It would seem that Anthony found out who was keying Randy's car. It was Randy himself! He was blackout drunk , cursing and scratching up the car hood with a set of keys. Coming up with an idea, Buttlord took a picture of Mr. Marsh keying up the car. He planned to show it to him when the man was sober. Hopefully, that would help solve the problem. "I am Captain Diabetes and this is my new sidekick!" Scott greeted the drunk man. "Oh, okay," randy said extremely slurred, "Well move out of the way, huh? I need to go buy some more beer." "I'm sorry, " Scott said defiantly, taking Mr. Marsh's keys, "But Captain Diabetes CANNOT let you dive!" "I'm fine to drive! Ok?" Randy slurred " Gimme my keys back and get outta here!"

Anthony thought for a moment. They needed to stop him. If he drove under the influence, people could get hurt. Maybe even die. He needed to stop that from happening. that's when he came up with an idea. As Mr Marsh approached the two boys to try and get his keys back, Anthony sidestepped him and held out his leg, causing the intoxicated man to trip and fall over. Too drunk to pick himself up, Mr Marsh lay where he fell. "Er.." he said, "Maybe I'll get some more beer after a quick nap."As Randy passed out on the front lawn, Anthony went up to the front door and rang the doorbell so that Mrs. Marsh could get her husband.. He left the keys in the mailbox for them to collect in the morning and the two 'superheroes' continued on their journey. As they walked off, they could hear Mrs. Marsh yell, "Dammit Randy! Get inside!" "Nice work, sidekick!" Captain Diabetes said. "I'm impressed you knew what to do! That could have gone ugly." "Thanks," Powerhouse said, "My brother taught me a few tricks on how to deal with drunks of stoners." Anthony left out the fact that the drunks and stoners he was referring to were his own parents.

Captain Diabetes and Buttlord took a shortcut through Kyle's house. They made their way upstairs to the attic, where they found a zipline that would lead them to Downtown. They hooked up and made their way down the zipline. As they zoomed through the night sky, Anthony marveled at how nice and peaceful the town seemed at night, which he knew was far from the truth. Soth Park was a pretty chaotic place both during the day and night.

Anthony was brought out of his thoughts when Scotty got his attention. "Hey Tony?" he said breaking character, "You don't think people get diabetes cause their mom farted during childbirth, do you? " "What?" Anthony said. "Of course not! Where'd you hear that?" "Cartman." Scott answered. "Ugh," Anthony groaned, "Should have guessed. Listen, Scotty. Cartman made that bunch of baloney up. Remember our science lesson from last Monday? It said that the diabetes you have is probably genetic. You inherited it." "I knew it!" Scott said, "I had always thought Cartman made that up just to make me feel insecure about myself! Thanks, dude!" "Anytime, man." Anthony said as they reached the end of the zipline. They had finally made it downtown. Not they just needed to get to the Peppermint Hippo to find this mystery lady... if they could make it through the town, that is...


End file.
